Why your wife doesn’t think you’re listening

Listening to your wife is important. Making sure that she feels heard is just as important

Author

SpurgeonBooks
January 09, 2026

THE GOD CENTERED HUSBAND

A Weekly Email to Help You Love God and Your Wife
By Doug Hanna

🧠 WISE WORDS

If God’s regulations were followed scrupulously, not only would there be no divorces; there would be no unhappy marriages.

R.C. Sproul

💥 WHAT IS A GOD CENTERED HUSBAND?

A God Centered Husband must be a man. Manhood is defined by conformity to God’s call (word), not gender stereotypes (world).

Are you a God Centered Husband? Is God’s Word the most dominant influence on your life?

🛠️ ONE QUICK TIP FOR MARRIAGE

Why your wife doesn’t think you’re listening

Listening to your wife is important.

Making sure that she feels heard (=valued and respected) is just as important.

  • You don’t make eye contact — Looking at your wife while she’s speaking goes a long way. (For the love of all that is good, put your phone away dude)

  • You don’t respond — Acknowledge that she spoke to you with more than one word.

  • You dismiss what she said — Whether you say that her feelings or understanding are invalid, or you lash out in self-defense, your wife should never walk away from a conversation feeling like she wasn’t allowed to say what she said.

  • You don’t follow-up — Single conversations almost never solve problems. If your wife shares about something that hurt her, you need to check on her later, letting you know that you are caring and praying for her. If your wife shares about something that you need to change, you need to take actual steps to grow and then revisit with her.

📕 ONE VERSE + ONE SENTENCE

“Iniquities overwhelm me; only you can atone for our rebellions. How happy is the one you choose and bring near to live in your courts! We will be satisfied with the goodness of your house, the holiness of your temple.” (Psalm 65:3–4)

Notice the progression:

Forgiveness>Chosen>Brought Near>Satisfied

📚 RESOURCE HIGHLIGHT

Are you completely missing the point of sex?

One survey of 22,000 Christian wives indicated that 95% of husbands say they reached a climax in most sexual encounters with their wives while only 48% of women said they reached a climax most of the time.

In other words — in many Christian marriages, spouses (especially men) are failing to serve one another sexually. Sex is meant to be unifying and mutually pleasurable, but far too often it’s one-sided and selfish.

I think the reason this happens is because we’re really confused about what sex is and how it’s supposed to function in our marriages. Men, if you want to see your sexual relationship thrive, you need to put your wife’s needs first.

My book, Sex and Self-Forgetfulness, is available for pre-order now. If you want to strengthen your marriage, deepen your intimacy with your wife, and make sex better than ever (for BOTH of you!), I hope you’ll pre-order a copy today.

Pre-Order Sex and Self-Forgetfulness:

💬 A CONVERSATION STARTER

Ask this question and listen to what your wife has to say:

  • What have you (wife) been praying for?

🔥 PRAYER FIRESTARTER

Prayer life feeling cold? Light it up again with this prompt:

  • God, it's hard to believe that you really...

❤️ REMINDER: JESUS LOVES HIS BRIDE

Marriage is a picture of Christ’s relationship and his bride, the church. When we seek to grow as husbands, it can be easy to feel discouraged that we have failed to “love our wives as Christ loved the church” while forgetting that we are the bride whom Christ has loved.

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church.” (Ephesians 5:31–32)

You are united with Christ. Everything that is true about him is now true about you in God’s sight.

🎉 SHARE THIS EMAIL, GET FREE STUFF

When your friends sign up, they get awesome marriage content, you get rewards. It’s a win-win.

  • 1 friend signs up = Praying for Your Wife interactive tool (Helps you brainstorm what to pray for so that you stop saying the same things every day and pray for your wife with real energy and passion)

  • 5 friends sign up = God Centered Husband Bible Study Workbook download (a hands-on, six-session study)

  • 10 friends sign up = free year of the Inner Circle (bonus content in the newsletter)

  • 25 friends sign up = Physical copy of the God Centered Husband One-Year Journal sent to your house (US only).

  • 50 friends sign up = Signed copy of my new book Sex and Self-Forgetfulness sent to you (US only).

  • 100 friends sign up = Marriage book bundle (an Amazon gift card to get some choice resources)

Take a minute and think about: What men in my life/church would this email be a blessing to? Now text them your link!